I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
