JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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