after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
