i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
