Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
