I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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