I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
