dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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