Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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