His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
