Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize