So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
