Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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