Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
