11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
