I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
