Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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