so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
