I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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