If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
