god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
