Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
