You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
