I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
