There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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