who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
