Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
