Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
