Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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