morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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