Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
