i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
