remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
