i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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