You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
