he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
