Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
