i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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