this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your penis caused this!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
