'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
