On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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