I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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