i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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