Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
