420 ftw
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
