You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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