Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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