I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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