It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
