Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
