They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm getting married
To pizza
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
