corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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