She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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