I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize