a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it because I queefed?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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