my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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