I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
