Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
