In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
