i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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