i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
