i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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