he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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