ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize