forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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