how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
