Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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