Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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