small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
