I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
