he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
